I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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