Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
