new low.... made out with someone while peeing
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
this hospital has no fireball
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
