after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize