im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
