could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She's the barista slut.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
