nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
