After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
