You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
