And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
4 words: hood of his car
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
