Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
