a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
