I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
