He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
