omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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