Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
