yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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