finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
