are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
