I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
