Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
