I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
