Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
