when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
