she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
