I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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