I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
