Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize