Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
