Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
