Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
