you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I need to stop coming to work sober
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
