That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
