i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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