and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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