I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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