Got a toothbrush?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
is wine microwaveable?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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