I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Randomize
