i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
