I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize