This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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