dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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