My brain says no but my pants say off.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
