So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
