As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize