you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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