I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
