You're so nebulous sometimes
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
