So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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