I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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