There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
