Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
