problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
