Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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