Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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