but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
