you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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