Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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